LOUDER than God's revolver & twice as S H I N Y. ϟ

#um.

well, i don't really know where to start. so i'll just pick a spot. we've grown apart completely. and that has literally killed me. i put all of our physically memories in a box and hid them under my bed. i refuse to take them out and look at them. i cry. a lot. i'll just curl up in my bed, put on some music and cry.
 
and so often, i think, "does she miss me? she makes no effort to talk to me ever. does she know that this is killing me? is it killing her, too? does her mom wonder where i am? does she think i died?"
 
i can't listen to our song anymore. i don't trust my friends, because i'm afraid they'll stop talking to me, like you have so often. i said no to robert when he asked me out at homecoming because i told him i wanted to lose no more friends. im very genuinely happy everyday because i have big dreams for my future, but i realize that friends never stay. ever. and you cannot deny that weve grown apart. because we have. and we've left. and it hurts. but i think itd be better, because if i saw you now, id meltdown like a four year old. id just cry, and think "im setting myself up again, because later she'll go home, and then we wont txt. or talk. or pm. she'll never reply. she'll shut out the world." and i get paranoid that the world will turn right around and shut. out. me. so, in the end, i'm left with a scar that time probably wont erase. i dont have trust left to give to anyone. i have my family, my big dreams, and my music. i didn't know where to start this rant, and i certainly don't know how to end it. so. the end.

1
Where did your last kiss take place?
uhm. oh geez. i dont even remember. too long ago.

2
Who knows a secret or two about you?
my best friends.

3
Four words to explain why you last threw up?
had an anxiety attack.

4
Have you ever burned yourself?
not on purpose, but a few times.

5
What's crazy to you?
people who wake up early ON PURPOSE for no reason and people who think they deserve things they didnt work for at all.

6
Favorite cuss word:
swearing isnt classy. :D

7
Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
who even cares man. c:

8
Who is your hero?
john lennon, christofer drew, gerard way, peter pan, spieling peter, megan, mom and dad. MANY HEROES YAY.

9
Would you ever want to be a supermodel?
no i like food. but i would like to be skinnier, soo..

10
Who is the most experimental person you know?
experimental as in always trying out new shit? me. :D

11
Do you tell white lies?
what exactly are white lies?

12
When is your next party?
Ambers, the 11th. :)

13
Who do you want to be with right now?
megan, or simply a boy to love me.

14
Do you scratch when and where you want to scratch?
as long as i'm not in public, sure

15
How do you handle a break up?
food....movies...friends..more food.

16
Your motivation for tomorrow?
DANCE whoo.

17
Do you know what you will wear tomorrow?
dance outfit holla.

18
Last person to make you laugh?
zach.

19
Last thing you ate?
umm..protien shake.

20
Do u ever go a few days without changing your underwear?
never

21
Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect?
yes omg :( there was a ladybug in meh soup.

22
Do daddy long legs freak you out?
YES OMFG YES.

23
Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit?
never ever gonna happen, i can't even deal with my own..

24
Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it?
5 second rule? psh. 10 second rule. rebel.

25
Do you kiss your pets on the mouth?
their noses. c:

26
Do you talk baby talk?
only to meh kitty.

27
What serial killer do you find most disturbing?
um aren't all disturbing?

28
Do you watch court tv?
judge judy's where its at

29
Would you ever work in a retirement home?
naw

30
Do you believe plants have feelings?
lol um no.

31
Do you laugh at people with "bowl" haircuts?
YES. THEY LOOK LIKE COCONUTS. :D

32
Do you have nervous twitches?
my eye. people always think im winking at them. :o

33
Are you ever purposely irritating?
yup. to mi madre. and i'm good at it too.

34
If you could fly, where would you go first?
NEVERLAND. or disneyworld. or christofer drew's house. i be creepin.

35
Do you prefer boats or planes?
i aint picky

36
Love or lust?
isnt both an option?

37
One best friend or 10 aquaintances?
best friend, no doubbbt

38
Favorite food?
my spicy cheese quesadillas.

39
Do you believe that your first love never dies?
nope. mine died. thank god. NOT LITERALLY THO.

40
What upcoming event are you waiting and ready for?
is it sad..that umm...school? just a bit?

41
Current smell?
uh. my fav? coconut.

42
Do you get your nails done?
do them myself, but if i had the money to get them done, i'd be all over it

43
Most favorite person?
i cant narrow it down!

44
What was the last thing you ordered at McDonald's?
spicey chicken mcbites. :D HEAVEN.

45
Are you an emotional person?
depends on whats goin' down.

46
Do you like your name?
yeah

47
Do you have plans this weekend?
nawwwt really

48
Do you work?
i wish. but im a shoe-in for annas.
recognize.

49
Do you dance naked in your room?
no.. should i be doing that in my spare time, orrr...

50
When did your last relationship end?
umm. hmm. last december.
 
51
What are you listening to right now?
CAKE BOSS YUP.
 

52
Biggest fear?
spiders and growing up.

53
How long have you been a part of myspace?
a solid 0 days

54
Favorite place to be?
disney world. c:

55
What are you wearing right now?
pjs & moi spirithood.

56
Are your toes painted?
nope, thank u.

57
Does anyone hate you?
oh probably

58
How many people do you trust fully?
uhmm..
1,2,3,4,...*counting goes on*

59
Did you have fun doing this?
oh man it was the time of my life

60
Are you thinking of someone right now?
now that you mention it...

alright, let me make one thing perfectly clear.
i dont even like one direction (smh).
BUT.
louis tomlinson is paul mccartney & jesus love child.
he is so beautiful.
i cant even.

KILLJOYS, MAKE SOME FRIGGIN' NOISE. >:D
(I'll be your detonator).
 
@killjoysupportgroup

ABC About Me Quiz
 
A - AVAILABLE: foreveeerrrr.
B – BIRTHDAY: March 24th.
C - CRUSHING ON: No one, ._.
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: TEA.
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: My bffs Megan & Kellsey.
F - FAVORITE SONG: any songs by NSN or MCR.
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: SOUR PATCH KIDS DUH
H – HOMETOWN: ermm..
I - IN LOVE WITH ANYONE: Peter Pan & Cristofer Drew Ingle.
K - KILLED SOMEONE: nope.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: 24 hours. Not straight but still.
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: BIRTHDAY CAKE. c:
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: none.
O - ONE WISH: to do all my dream jobs in DisneyWorld, and for my parents to have the money the need.
P - PERSON THAT CALLED YOU LAST: Mi padre.
R - REASON TO SMILE: my life
S - SONG YOU LAST SANG: Jane Doe
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 12:32 PM :)
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: umm..
V – VEGETABLE: ew. um. beans.
W - WORST HABIT: picking my nails.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: hips, elbow or shoulder (can't remember which), teeth, and theres more I can't remember.
Y - YEARS LIVING WHERE YOU LIVE: 12 years
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Aries

RANDOM QUESTIONS!!!
Favorite animal: Wolf or Fox
Spell your name without vowels: Lrn
What color do you wear most?: Hm. I try native/indie prints, no specific colour.
Least favorite colours?: yellow & brown.
What are you listening to?: Everybody Loves Raymond. :P
What is your favorite class in school?: Art or Chorale
When do you start back at school?: August 21st? 24th?
Are you outgoing?: Quite a bit, now. :D
Favorite pair of shoes?: Legit hipster moccasins, not preppy ones.
Can you dance?: Yes.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: I've never tried. No me gusta cherries.
Can you whistle?: Yup.
Cross your eyes?: Yes.
Walk with your toes curled?: Yes.

THE DO'S
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: Yes.
Do you believe in miracles?: Yes.
Do you believe in magic?: DISNEY MAGIC. :D
Love at first sight?: Yes
Do you believe in Santa?: No.
Do you like roller coasters?: love'em
Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes, a few times!
Have you ever asked someone out?: Yes. hermmm.
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: yes.
Have you ever been to the ocean?: many times.
Have you almost drowned in the ocean?: no.
What is the temperature outside?: 80°F.
What radio station do you listen to?: I don't really listen to the radio.
What was the last thing you bought?: hm. i dont remember. the next thing is a spirithood WHOO.
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: Toy Story.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: me, maybe.
Ever really cried your heart out?: Yes
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: yes.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Nope.
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: Yes
Do you cry when you get an injury?: It depends how bad I get hurt, but not usually.
Do songs make you cry?: Only one: I'll Follow You In to The Dark.
Are you a happy person?: YES. :D
What is your current hair color?: Light blonde.
CURRENTLY WEARING? PJs.
What are you wearing?: shorts and a tank.
Bracelets?: anklets count?
Your eye color?: blue.
Short or long hair?: long.
Height?: 5’3 or 5’4

NIU, Illinois. who went?

♥

6/9/12.
LETS GO.

welp.
i loved you.
but you killed me.
oh, you were so mean.
mean = turnoff.
i no longer love you.
bye.